Progress Reports, Stephen Hilton, and Remembering to Remember Good Days

Some of you may follow Laura Clery or Stephen Hilton. I think I first found Laura on Facebook. She makes some hilarious videos, often with Stephen as her sidekick.

When she announced in September that their son, Alfie, had been diagnosed with autism, the video was not light and humorous, it was heavy and painfully real.

Laura and her husband Stephen seemed to be thrown into a new world and their reaction to that new world (at least what we see on social media) has been raw, honest, and incredibly uplifting. I’ve been fascinated watching their transformation into autism parents. Laura incorporates teaching into Alfie’s play better than most professionals I’ve witnessed. She’s a natural.

Once again, her authenticity is key here. She’s not afraid of being goofy, and I’m sure she’s no stranger to trying something and failing (as we in the field all know well), but she keeps working and it seems Alfie’s responses are richer and more frequent with every video. If I could take a model family for a parent-led approach, they seem to be it. 

Laura posted a video the other day that had a few great clips, at least for an early intervention nerd like myself.

First, she told Alfie she had to brush his hair, which he dislikes. She told him she was only going to brush for 10 seconds and then as she brushed she counted to ten, praised him and then he was on his way.

Yes! I was ecstatic.To see parents employing these kinds of tricks is so cool.

It’s the simplest thing, it seems, counting to 10, but it’s not easy to get to that point. I’m sure there were hours of tears and fighting during hair brushing and to get to a rather smooth 10 brushes with just a little whining is huge for them, I’m sure. 

This video was like a day in their life, so after getting dressed, the couple worked their rather unconventional workday making… an exercise video. No, they are not fitness influencers… you just have to watch to appreciate it. 

Later, Stephen takes Alfie to music therapy. While in the car he talks about how helpful music therapy has been for his son, but Stephen mentions how he’s no longer allowed in during therapy.

Stephen’s mood takes a dip here and it’s really sad.

Up until this point, the cuts of Alfie and his parents on this day had been beautiful and full of growth and promise.

To me, Stephen’s comment about not being able to accompany Alfie into music therapy broke my heart a little.

You see, Stephen is also a musician and he talks about how much Alfie enjoys music, surely creating a beautiful new bond between the two.

We can’t know from the video why Stephen is no longer allowed in the therapy room, and it could very well be Covid related and short-term, hopefully that is the case.

But it is very common to take young children into therapy rooms without their parents. I stopped doing that 15 years ago and never looked back.

As Stephen sits in the waiting room at music therapy, he mentions that he got a progress report from the provider and shows a piece of paper.

He goes on to say that it wasn’t all good news and he expresses how hard those progress reports are to read sometimes, especially because he sees so much progress in Alfie.

So, we just got a report for Alfie. We get these occasionally from the therapist. And they used to read them, but I feel like they’re just not that helpful because they’re quite negative.

I Just glanced at that one and already, I’m like, a bit down because it’s saying he’s delayed and stuff, and that’s not my experience of it. When we’re playing at home, he’s perfectly fine. He’s catching up, I think, and that’s not reflected in these reports, and they don’t see him like we see him…

That’s just one of those things when you have an autistic kid, you keep getting these things [progress reports] all the time…annoying, but he’s going to be great.

My heart completely broke for him. Dammit! This family was having a great day! Was this necessary?

I know why progress reports are necessary. Their primary function is to justify the use of therapy to the client’s funding source.

Here in California, that is often the regional center or health insurance plan, maybe the county or school district. Progress reports are necessary to hold therapists accountable, and that’s a good thing. 

Parents need to be apprised as well, but at what cost and how often do they need to be reminded that their child is behind developmentally?

In California, those reports come out every 3-6 months and they may be coming from 3-4 different providers. That might be one report per month for some parents, but it seems like overkill to me. 

I used to think it was good for parents to know where their kids fell developmentally, but I know now that those constant reminders just serve to kill their flow, their contentment and their normalcy. Their ability to just wake up and keep moving forward, one day at a time. 

That part of Stephen’s video appeared like a brake in his day. The man was having a good day. His son was having a beautiful day full of new language, social connections, play skills and even hair brushing! Leave it! Good things are happening, just leave it!

I’m really not sure who I am yelling at…. I explained that I know why progress reports exist. I have submitted hundreds, but I realize now that I may have stopped a lot of beautiful days in their tracks when I delivered them to parents, and for what?

To tell a parent what they already knew?

It wasn’t kind of me and I so wish I would have said, “read it if you want.”

A therapist that is already working closely with a parent should not present any surprises in those reports, if anything maybe just new proposed goals. However, a good therapist also discusses those goals with parents before they’re even proposed. 

Parents, don’t let those progress reports steal from your eyes what they have seen or take from your heart what it knows.

If you are working with your child and seeing their gains, no matter how small, hold onto to them tight.

That is your truth.

That is progress and your child and you deserve the credit.

If those reports bum you out, rip ‘em up. Toss ‘em. There will be more anyway. 

After viewing this video, I was inspired to create a new kind of data sheet as part of my Happy Ladders program.

I’m calling it “Good Days Data.”

It’s a simple data sheet to record the good stuff, big and small. Maybe the stuff you need to read on the tough days for a bit of inspiration, when your heart needs to be reminded how far your child has come.

Want to log some good days of your own? Download a free copy! And then next time you get handed a progress report, ask yourself, do I really need this, and maybe instead go play with your kiddo to know exactly how far they’ve come and how amazing they really are.