Everyday ABA
How I Learned to Love “Every Other Monday”
I’ve been wanting to start this series, Everyday ABA, for a while now. ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) has come under a lot of fire in recent years. Some of it is well-founded, but let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater.
I’ve been in the field for over 20 years. I’ve seen a lot, but I’ve also developed my own spin based on what parts of ABA I feel work — and what parts don’t…hence the development of Parent-Led Revolution and Happy Ladders.
The principles of ABA still have so much to offer, and I want to show how those principles work for all of us, autism or not, every single day.
Fire-Breathing Mama of a Dragon
Today is “every other Monday.” I have a bad track record with this day.
It’s housekeeper day and although I am very lucky to have someone help me with this chore, the prep prior to the housekeeper’s arrival often puts me in…let’s just say, a mood.
A mood I often have to apologize to my family for after the fact, as I can be a fire-breathing mama of a dragon as I clear the house of garbage, laundry, random game pieces, my own closet piles, pre-bleach and pre-clean the showers and toilets.
I used to hate every other Monday mornings, but I LOVE every other Monday afternoons, when I return to a sparkling clean, mostly organized home.
I am learning to survive every other Monday mornings though with my trusty friend, Everyday ABA.
Setting the Stage
Okay, so what do I do to prevent my inner dragon from letting loose and how does ABA come into play?
I set the stage. I create a plan, it’s loose, but it works. Someone smarter than I once said, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” Ain’t that the truth!
ABA is big on plans before tackling a big hairy problem, so here’s what I do:
Starting on Sunday, I give the family a heads-up that cleaning day is coming. My big kids are responsible for making sure their rooms are picked up and (mostly) organized.
I ask for help on any larger projects that I can easily assign to the kids or ask my husband to do (he works best on specific tasks with ample notice, this I have learned through trial and error).
Our loft is where the toys live, ah the toys….My youngest seems to enjoy pulling them all out to look for a quarter-sized Lego man at least two times a week. Someone has to go in and put all the crap, I mean toys, back in the drawers and buckets. This is a good chore for a big kid, so I delegate. Unless I am feeling especially motivated to do the big sort and haul of the toys, a big kid can clean up the loft on their own.
The other project I often assign, dishes…I hate unloading the dishwasher, and with three teenagers I am proud to say that in the five years we have lived in our house, I have unloaded the dishwasher maybe twice. The last thing I want to do every other Monday morning is unload a dishwasher, so I assign it. I try and get all the dishes unloaded and out of the sink on Sunday night.
Taking Time to Breathe
I have to watch my anxiety on Monday mornings. The start of a new week, combined with the potential exhaustion following a busy weekend, coupled with a messy home, can easily push me over the edge. Just being aware of this helps me manage my anxiety. Knowing that it’s likely, but that I can overcome it, and survive every other Monday morning, helps me chill out.
In ABA, this is identifying the antecedents (those events that happen (before say…a “Mom Meltdown”) and creating a plan that recognizes and plans for them.
1. I pick a good outfit for the task
This might sound ridiculous, but it’s helpful for me, maybe you too. I don’t necessarily shower, definitely don’t worry about my hair, but I try and wear something that makes me feel good.
Maybe a cute(ish) workout outfit, maybe some cutoff jeans and a cute t-shirt. I do this because as I walk through the house I walk past a mirror maybe 200 times. If I continue to catch myself looking dumpy and gross in the previous night’s pajamas, then I will feel dumpy and gross.
Dumpy and gross, plus anxious and overwhelmed, equals fire-breathing mama dragon.
This is what I try to avoid.
Not only do I later have to apologize to all the innocent bystanders I lit up as I moved through the house, I generally don’t get as much done.
Therefore, cute outfit, baseball cap, check!
In ABA, this is more Setting the Stage, setting up the Antecedents so I can be successful.
2. I Wear My Tennis Shoes
I may be showing my age with this one. I originally got this tip from my mother. Cleaning in tennis shoes saves a ton of energy. Not only that, I look a little bit longer and leaner when I pass the mirror those 200 times.
Ladies, you know this trick, it’s not just me, right?
3. Queuing Up A Good Podcast
This is where it gets good. I have found that listening to podcasts while picking up the house is actually enjoyable…like, I love it.
Music is helpful, but not as great as a good podcast. I can truly get lost in some of my favorite podcasts. I laugh, I learn, I think. It’s awesome. It’s become Me time that I really look forward to.
Yeah, I know, I have found a way to actually ENJOY every other Monday morning. Crazy town!
Today I’ve got a few podcasts in the queue that I have saved just for this occasion. I need to catch up with my friend, Rob Gorski, The Autism Dad. He’s interviewed two moms that I follow on social media, Eileen Lamb of The Autism Cafe, and Kate Swenson of Finding Cooper’s Voice.
Just this morning, I added Table for Five’s recent podcast with five autism dads, coincidentally one of them is Kate Swenson’s husband, Jamie. So, for this morning I’ve got a little theme going and I’m excited to get listening.
This technique achieves and maintains momentum as I move through my house cleaning. Momentum while working through hard things is another very important ABA strategy:
Pairing an enjoyable activity with a not-so-enjoyable activity.
It’s like pairing wine and in-laws (my father-in-law often reads my posts…Not talking about you John, love ya!).
4. I Go Room by Room
This one is still so hard for me, probably because I’ve got a bit of ADD, mom brain, whatever you want to call it, but I struggle to move methodically through the house and it still takes a lot of work for me to stay focused on one area, or room, at a time.
I usually start in my closet (ugh) and as I clear out any recycling, the random shopping bag, or a three-week-old birthday balloon, I end up in the kitchen.
Once in the kitchen, I see the morning’s breakfast mess, the forgotten mail pile (“did I ever pay that bill?”), and pretty soon I am working in the kitchen—and still have an unfinished closet and bedroom.
So instead, I create piles outside of each space I am prepping, and I don’t let myself out until I am done. This has been a struggle, I am getting better though.
5. Lastly, My Reinforcer
I have learned not to schedule much for every other Monday, I know the house will keep me busy. Once the house is ready, the housekeepers arrive, and I usually sneak away to keep myself and my kids out of their way,
I feel a huge sense of relief. I did it, I ran the marathon, and in a few short hours, I get to go home and relax in my clean house (at least for a few hours, until my troop gets comfy and starts their destruction mission all over again).
Reinforcement is important in ABA, and imperative in my house cleaning scenario.
Without the payoff of an organized and clean home, it would be hard for me to find the energy and attitude to do my part.
I’m going to throw in one of my favorite ABA strategies here, First/Then.
FIRST, straighten and prep the house for housekeeper day, THEN enjoy a clean house!
Yahoo!!!!
So there you go, a little Everyday ABA and my 101 course on how I prep for cleaning day without releasing the beast and losing my mind every other Monday morning.
I will add this has taken me some time to perfect, I am a work in progress.
Luckily, ABA allows for that too. Baby stepping, or Shaping, as it’s called in ABA, is my way to a better me.
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